Grief.
Even when you say the word, it can feel like a pit in the stomach. There’s a heaviness, an emptiness, a sense of loss that can’t be shaken.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural response to loss – loss of a loved one, a job, your independence caused by an injury or disability, even an old way of life, past experiences and memories.
There is not one way to deal with grief, and the process, though once thought to be in stages, is not linear.
Some days it may feel like you’re doing OK, feeling better, and some days, it may feel overwhelming and unbearable. It comes in waves, and that’s normal.
You may feel numb, detached, unable to find joy in activities you once did, or unable to complete daily tasks. All of these feelings and reactions are natural, and the good news, is that they will subside with time as you heal.
What does healing from grief look like?
Though everyone is going to experience and heal from grief differently, much like many other emotions, it’s important to begin to acknowledge and feel your emotions.
When we feel strong emotions, it can feel like too much, like if we let them through we may fall apart. It can even feel so intense as if you might actually die.
The complicated thing about grief, is that you may feel if you heal from what’s causing you grief, you’re somehow betraying a part of yourself or the person(s) you lost; it can feel as if by healing, you forget about them, yourself, or what happened.
Healing does not mean you have to forget – rather, it means that you can begin to integrate this part of you back into yourself in a new way, in a way that doesn’t overwhelm your system.
It is possible to remember a loved one you lost and still experience happiness and peace in your current life – all the while, keeping that person close to your heart.
It doesn’t mean you have to forget, and you may always hold a very special place in your heart for this person, thing, experience, etc – though it doesn’t mean you will be, or have to be, in pain the rest of your life.
It’s also possible to remember and be sad about a career or job you may have lost, and simultaneously, feel hope for the present, and the future.
The most important thing you can do is sit with, and feel your emotions, begin to understand what they’re telling you, and know that you’re going to be OK.
The process will be unique to each individual, though the one thing that’s universal is this: the more you deny or stuff down a feeling, the bigger it gets – which is why we must feel to heal.
This may seem scary, and I understand that it’s not easy.
Take this in baby steps, feeling only as much as feels comfortable for you today, and whenever tomorrow comes, you do it again.
There’s a term in the healing world we use and it’s called “titration” – which means little by little.
Often (usually) it’s not the “one and done”, “clear it all at once” approaches that work, as these can be too much for the body and can be more detrimental than helpful.
